You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
