Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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