Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
