i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
