The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
