it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
