Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
