You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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