I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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