return my video game
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
