loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
