A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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