I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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