WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
