just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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