Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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