If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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