On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
