he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Vodka?
Forever.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
