So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
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Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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