Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
