Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
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so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
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i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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