filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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