He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
