and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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