i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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