Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
