my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
BRING THE BAGELS
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
