I'm eating all of the evidence.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
