Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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