there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
