Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
