I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize