Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
