Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
