I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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