Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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