I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
