I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
smell my finger.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
