As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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