Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
