I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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