I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
