Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
