I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
