That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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