he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
