I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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