found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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