I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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