I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
