when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
