i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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