Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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