I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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