sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
