Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
