Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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