I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Dear god my vagina.
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