I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
