I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
