Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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