I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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