I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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