I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I puked a lego.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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