So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
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When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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