I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
